Monday, June 23, 2014

Baby Benny is Back Home

We wanted to share that Baby Benny is back home with his peeps and furry siblings. Albeit, he is safely tucked in an urn with puffy nearby. He is resting peacefully near Solsey and Lou C. (For newcomers, Sol was the black pug we foster failed/rescued and was with us for about 15 months (but it seemed longer). And Lou C was a bunny that we had previously, as well. So, Lou, Solsey and now Baby Benny are all sharing company together. Their spirits are frolicking over the rainbow bridge with other fur babies, such as the loved ones you all have lost.

OBP peeps have been very appreciative to all of you readers for you kind and supportive thoughts through this tough time. We recognize that each of you has either, or will likely soon, experience similar loss. We value the pug community and the support OBP has been able to offer to one another. We think it super cool that OBP has created friendships that may not otherwise have been formed. And we know that pug people are just generally cooler people than most others.

So, again, we hope you all know how important you are not only to us but to one another.

While, with time, the quiet that is now our home is getting easier to live in without the presence of boisterous Benjamin, some days are still so much harder than others. Certain meals that were his favorites to beg for are not eaten without tears or at least a lump in the throat. The grieving, in general, is still fresh.

Henry, Luna and Cupid are all processing in their own ways, as well. And so are Grammy and G'Ma. It has been tough on extended family and readers, alike. But the quiet. Oh the quiet. It is just so so quiet. For 12 years we didn't realize the level of noise and activity Benny brought us. It was just the sheer busyness. As a pup, he was full of energy and running around the house either knocking things over, tags jingling, toenails scrapping, scratching for treats, obnoxiously chomping on bones, barking, snorting, snoring or occasionally howling.

As he aged, he still jingled, scrapped, scratched, snorted, snorted, chomped and barked but the howling lessened and whining, tooting and hacking replaced the puppy noises. But no matter what, Benny brought a smile, joy and an unconditional love to all he met. He just always left you feeling better than you did when you came upon him. He left you feeling full. He filled your heart bucket with love. If you had a hole in your heart, he plugged it then filled you. He wasn't just a volcano of love with his noisy love, he was also a steady stream of lava love. Always warm though. Whether explosively warm or a level flow of warmth, that was Benny.

And now that is gone. In what seemed like an instant but in retrospect had been slowly disappearing. We hold it in our hearts We are clutching the memories as though with a grip so tight it makes the palms sweat. We are terrified of forgetting a moment and still living in a disbelief that no more moments will be created by Benny. Obviously, we are still all over the map.

We are still processing. Helping the others process, too. Henry has had some rough days. This is to be expected. The boys have been together virtually every day for their entire lives. Henry has always needed that nudge from his big brother to coax him into doing fun and mischievous stuff. Hank needed to be pulled out of his shell in ways that only Ben Ben could do. So, we are trying to help him through this in extra special ways. Luna, on the other hand, is grieving differently. She is becoming even more of diva (i.e. discipline problem, acting out, tantrummy). So, it is a delicate balance with how we are meeting her expressions of grief. Trying not to reward bad behavior but finding ways to help her feel secure and comforted. She was able to get Benny to do her dirty work for her in polished, more affable ways that only Benny could pull off. Luna, however, is more of a dig your heels in and demand it kind of girl. (Guess she never heard the phrase, you get more flies with sugar than you do with vinegar).

Anyway....

that is the rambling update. We will try to bring you more coherent stories soon. There are a few to tell but we are still trying to put ourselves together here in OBPland. Thanks again for you patience, loving support and Benny reflections. When pumpkin bread season comes around again, you will probably see not only flashback stories but grief relapse....

So, for now....

Take care.